The struggle is very real.

I've never been one to shy away from talking about my struggle with weight loss.   It didn't just begin when I started Weight Watchers.  Oh no.  I honestly feel like I've been on a diet for the past 20 years.

Until I was about 7 years old, I was the tallest and thinnest girl in my class.  By the time I was 10, I was chubby.  Seriously -- chubby and no boobs.  In fact, I would spend the next 6 years that way.  The first time I did Weight Watchers was when I was 16.  Yes, 16. Remember the old school points calculator that was actually CARDBOARD?!  I had one of those.  And I lost weight.  In fact, my senior prom dress had to be taken in 3 times.  But then I gained it back...plus some.

The next time I did Weight Watchers was in college.  My roommate and I joined together, and I was psycho about losing the weight.  I had just broken up with my high school sweet heart, and desperately wanted him back.  (What was I thinking?!)  I counted my points, worked out obsessively (I'm talking gym, pilates, and yoga...), and lost quite a bit of weight.  In fact, it was the smallest I had ever been at that point in my life.

But guess what?  I gained it back.  Another relationship came, and we all know what happens when we get comfortable in a relationship...  Don't even get me started on what happened when we broke up!

For the next 6 years, I continued gaining then losing...gaining some more, losing a little bit more.  In the end, I packed on a whopping 70 pounds.

You know what my problem was?

Fast food.

Chick-fil-A (mmm, waffle fries) , Zaxby's (buffalo chicken fingers!), Wendy's (gimme a cheeseburger!), McDonalds (bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel please!) -- I couldn't stop.  I was basically eating out 3 times a day, all fast food.  Sometimes I would eat a whole meal, then go get a milk shake.  Let's not forget this was before my teaching days...I was traveling all over the country for work, so not only was I eating unhealthy, I had unlimited funds to do so (hello, company credit card)!  As embarrassing as it is to talk about, it's the truth.  Food was my comfort.  Any emotional struggle I had was solved with junk.  Some people drink.  Some people party.  I ate.  A lot.

I knew something had to change.  I was out of breath just from putting on my seat belt in the car.  Flights were horribly uncomfortable.  Running around the block was non-existent.  I wanted to change...but then the going got worse and I just continued in my old habits.

When I decided to start Weight Watchers again, I wasn't very confident in myself.  I knew I had an addiction.  Much like an alcoholic, I needed some sort of support to make sure I didn't go off the deep end again.  I started attending the meetings and everything was great.  I was so focused!  I mean, hello, I started WW the day before I was going out of town for New Year's Eve -- talk about crazy.

I stayed focused for a long time.  The weight was coming off and I was feeling so much better about myself.  But then it happened...  One cheat meal led to another, which led to another, and before I knew it I had gained about 7 pounds in one weekend.  I realized then that those "cheats" weren't worth it to me.  So I got refocused...for a few weeks at least.  Then it would happen again.  Granted, I was losing weight...very slowly...but I was losing.  The closer I got to my goal weight, though, the more I was losing focus.

But then I hit that fabulous 100 pound mark.  I weighed in at 144 pounds on June 5, 2014.  After "cheating" for a couple of weeks, I thought I had beat the system.

Just like an alcoholic though, my old habits came roaring to life.  I thought, "oh, I have 6 weeks...it's ok if I gain a couple of pounds...I'll still make Lifetime."

Y'all, I ate.  And ate.  And ate.  I would make myself physically ill from eating so much.  Anything I wanted, I had.  I used vacation as an excuse.  But then I had a moment of clarity and realized I was getting out of control.  So I reeled it in for a few days.  I even went to the hotel gym and worked out hard.  But then...I ate some more.

By the time I got home from vacation (keep in mind, this was 3 days ago), I had gained a big ole 10 pounds.  Seriously.  Some say it isn't possible to eat an additional 35,000 calories in one week but it is!  Oh believe me, it is.

Some also say it isn't possible to get back in track immediately.

Well folks, I'm here to tell you it is.  We all struggle, but yet we can all succeed.

In the past 3 days I've really thought about all this quite a bit.  I've had to deal with a lot of my own personal demons, but I know I can get through this.

A few things which have helped me quite a bit:

1. Ask yourself why you want to be healthy.  For me, it's all about confidence and feeling comfortable in my own skin.

2. Make a list of the good things you've done lately.  My list includes meal planning, working out,  getting a trainer (which completely scared the crap out of me both financially and mentally!), and even putting on a bikini (when I felt like a busted can of biscuits at that!) because I remembered how far I had come.

3. Make a list of the things that help you succeed.  Maybe it's going to meetings, hitting the gym, or even talking to a friend about living a healthy lifestyle -- those are all things that help me.

4.  Stop dwelling on the bad.  You didn't make a list of those things for a reason!

We gotta take it day by day folks.  Just because we live in a world full of temptation doesn't mean we have to partake in those temptations.  And just because we feel like we can't pick ourselves back up doesn't mean we can't.

Enough of my rambling for tonight.  And I swear, I'm gonna get better about this blogging thing.  ;)